In one of my first appointments with Dr. Truty and his team it was pretty evident that I hadn’t fully overcome my anger about receiving this diagnosis.  I think I said something like, “Why couldn’t I have just gotten hit by a bus and die?!”  Honestly, when I was made aware of the work that I had to do to overcome what most people interpret as a death sentence, I wasn’t very happy.  A bus accident seemed easier.  I loved God.  I had a relationship with Jesus, my savior.  It sounded much easier to be in heaven right now with two brothers and my dad instead of having to slug it out with pancreas cancer.  Dr. Truty didn’t make any promises and continued to give me facts:  Even if I did make it through to cancer free it could return.  He also said that I may not have a high quality of life.  I could need to go through chemotherapy after surgery.  I looked to God and believed that I would instead have an outstanding outcome.  Even still it is natural for people to not understand why God would allow this to happen to them.  To anyone. 

I know of and believe in present day miracles.  I believe my outcome to be a miracle.  However, throughout my journey I pondered these questions, “Why didn’t I get healed immediately?”  and  “Why don’t some people see healing in their bodies this side of heaven?”  I don’t know.  I have read bible stories of people healed immediately when they decided they wanted to be healed and believed for it.  For example, the man at the Pool of Bethesda that is talked about in chapter five of the book of John: “Jesus said to him, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk.’ And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed, and walked.”  I wanted to be healed.  I believed God for it.  But I didn’t get healed that way. I am sure many people can say the same thing. 

I knew that I had to focus on running my race.  I needed to run with endurance the race set before me.  Jesus was my forerunner as referenced in Hebrews 6:20. And in Ephesians 6:13 it speaks of Abraham enduring until he received his blessing.  Endurance is not easy.  It means preserving with patience.  I was determined to ignore the circumstances and finish well believing that God would help me.  God is absolutely good!  He does the impossible while we do the possible.  He never leaves or forsakes us, and he heals us while we run with endurance the race.  I know now that my roots grew deep in His love as I tapped into His ways while enduring these afflictions.  Love conquers all.

I have learned that our faith is strengthened when we trust God in our challenges.  And then, when people in their battles cross our paths we are able to lift their arms just as Aaron and Hur did when Moses' hands grew tired.  Aaron and Hur took a stone and put it under Moses and he sat on it and then the two of them held up Moses' hands so Israel would prevail.  I endured through pancreas cancer with people holding up my hands and I came out the other side of my wilderness experience victorious. 

During all of these enduring times in our lives, God is molding and shaping us to make a beautiful vessel that is fit for purpose.  We all serve different purposes unto the same God.  Ponder this as you watch this video of someone shaping clay into a work of art.  We are that creation in the God’s or the Potter’s hands. If you experiencing a dark time in your life, I hope this helps you remember that God’s hand is still upon you and He is making a beautiful piece of art that will serve others in magnificent ways. Hallelujah!