The warrior in me
My warrior necklaces.
I started this leg of my journey knowing that I am a warrior, a soldier in the army of Christ Jesus. Then, I met this doctor that was given the moniker of The Dragon Slayer of Pancreatic Cancer with dragon slayer being a reference to St. George. As I picked up my battle fatigues and put them on with the knowledge that most people fall in the battlefield of pancreatic cancer, I was just beginning to understand what it meant for me to be in this army. My choice was to walk in faith believing for a miracle. God had to do what I could not do. However, I have learned that words are powerful and they will deliver life or death to our lives so we learned to be cautious with our words. I desired that our health care choices fell in line with God's will. I wanted to honor Him. I wanted to be healed. We did our best to demonstrate our faith to those who were observing us. Don't get me wrong, I stumbled and fell many times, but I would pick myself back up again, gather up my courage and fight, as I moved on with my goal to honor God. It was an emotional journey that played off of my past hurts, pains and baggage that accumulates in all of our lives as part of the normal circles of life. As it would turn out, I was healed in my mind, will and emotions and my physical body.
Early on in the war, I was drawn to read a book called The Last Arrow by Erwin Raphael McManus. He talks about leaving your quiver empty as you move into the after-life. The arrow instantly became symbolic for me. So in the spring, I hunted for an item with this symbolism that would serve as a daily visual reminder of my goal for complete healing and my warrior status. In between clinic appointments we would often go to the bookstore or antique stores which was part of our normal life before all this happened. In the bookstore, I found a necklace with a locket that was etched with crisscrossed arrows. I put a memorable photo of Jim and me in it that was taken of us during happier times. I visualized us being together forever by reminding myself with this photo of us. On our way home from doctor consults Jim would sometimes recommend side-trips to help us decompress after consuming fact-based reports during doctor consults. This one time, we stopped in the smaller town of Northfield and I found an arrow charm that I put on a simple necklace that paired with my locket necklace. Thank God Jim is good at coming up with ways to find a diversion when we need a mental break. I needed it that day and many more days throughout this trial.
One day at a time, I trusted God, did my part and watched and waited for my next step, my next assignment in this war. It was scary to walk through the unknown, believing for healing, knowing that others wouldn't find theirs and knowing there were some around me that didn't believe I would be healed. For this reason, I did my best to stay connected to God every day through conversation prayer with Him. How did I know what God wants? I prayed, read the bible and listened to my leaders that are more studied than me in the word of God in the Christian bible. When I read and hear about how God shows up in the life experiences of those that are written about in the bible, you get a better understanding of who He is and what He can do. For example, He is absolutely good, we are his children and like all fathers, He wants the best for us.
McManus enlightened me on another bible reference where the prophet Elisha gives a prophecy to Jehoash, the king of Israel where he asks the king to get a bow and arrows and shoot them out the east window. With Elisha's hand on the bow, the king shoots. Elisha declares the king will destroy the Arameans at Aphek and the next prophetic instruction is for the king to strike the ground with his arrows. The king strikes it three times. The scripture says that the prophet is upset with Jehoash, because he should have struck five or six times and he could have defeated Arman and completely destroyed it, but now, he will only beat them three times. McManus reflects on the events in this story and how it creates the impression that the king gave up too easily. Jehoash was promised complete victory it was difficult and I had to overcome my will and emotions. I vowed to myself that I would finish my race well.
The picture in the locket.
